Reviews
We like to write about games.
Subcategories:
There's something missing from my controller. Where did my Turbo button go? My thumb is growing tired. In fact, my whole hand is kind of cramping up. Stupid Wavebird. But it's so freeing! No more dragging consoles across the carpet so I can game on my couch! But still, where exactly did my damn Turbo button go?
For a game with such a ripe premise, it sure is a shame the execution comes off as infantile.
Unfortunately for you unitdaisy is out of town for a while, which means no Chi-Style Drunksaling this week. But I have a plan. Do you like monkeys? Of course you do! Read on ...
My standard complaint about survival horror games, as you well know, is that there are never enough to go around. Clearly, such is not the case with 3D hack n' slash.
This game clearly highlights that quantity is not necessarily a good thing.
As if spelling Cthulhu wasn't onerous enough, the game sees fit to include a subtitle so long and overwrought that I feel uncomfortable even typing the whole thing out. Should that have been my first warning?
If I learned one thing from Chaos Legion, it's that Capcom has no problems shilling out the same game over and over. If peccaui learned one thing from Chaos Legion, it's probably not to let me handle my own updates.
~1000 words about Cubivore and my cats. You can't tell me you didn't see this one coming a mile away.
Devil May Cry 3 weaves a delightful tale of lust and lascivious despair entirely without the aid of honey mustard, which is unfortunate. Come with me as we explore its world. We'll try to perservere, despite the curious absence of both salted and unsalted lunch meat.
What should one expect from a cinematic adaptation of Doom? The original video game's theme of a portal to hell opened on Mars was oft overlooked in favor for its white-knuckle first-person action and playability, and rightly so. In fact, one wonders why bringing Doom to the big screen was a desirable prospect to begin with?
After seven+ years of living in the gutter as far as computers are concerned I finally went out of my way to buy a nice little machine. I immediately set out to play faux-survival horror FPS F.E.A.R. I can think of few better ways to christen a new computer.
Lesbian pseudo-incest is not a topic often broached in North America. There's probably a reason for that.
Today I put YOU in command. Fatal Frame 2: Creepy Horror Game or Fatal Frame 2: Weird Sisters Who Like Each Other Too Much?
Feel the Magic: XX/XY looked like just the sort of game that's up my alley: quirky, breezy and memorable. Sadly, the memories I came away with are all horrible nightmares of bosses past.
Like robots? Like strategy? Square-Enix brings yet another Front Mission to the table and Rutilcaper, mee Ronn and I dissect it for your pleasure.
I rarely rent games, due to the hassle of dealing with video stores and their lack of current games. But occasionally I do and when that happens, it's always a frustrating experience. So I decided to sign up with Gamefly tonight and give you guys an exact report of my experience. It's a bit more mixed than you might think. Oh, and I'll be reporting back when I get the games and at the end of my first month - just so you hear about the whole deal.
Due to popular demand (i.e. one incoherant IM that read 'Gams flywa???oneloxzer') I've written up a final piece on the Gamefly experience. Yes, it's been closing in on three months since my first piece on them. Time flies when you're camping out next to a post office box.
After two weeks of Gamefly being in my life, I'm ready to spill my guts. Was it a nearly religious experience, or a dud?
Like Strategy-based RPGs? I don't, but Rutilcaper does and he's vaguely enraptured by Gladius!
Some may ask 'Why am I reviewing a two year old game that, by all rights I shouldn't have played in the first place?' Just call it another mysterious gift from some folks I recently neglected. That'll teach me to neglect my 'Queue'.
I've been trading on the Hollywood Stock Exchange for close to a year now, and I have a lot to account for.
I finally egged unitdaisy to troll around eBay for a copy of the Gamecube E3 Demo Disc - boy oh boy was it ever worth it. Read on for all the nasty, juicy details.
Indigo Prophecy, despite its woes, manages to be a very playable game that's just THIS CLOSE to being outstanding. For all the promise it shows, niggling self-references and lame plot twists shows that David Cage just isn't ready to play with the big boys. Better luck next time.
Why am I reviewing Jet Set Radio Future when I could be reviewing something that isn't over two years old? Easy - I have something to say about it.
While it's arguably a bad idea to upload a review while drunk, sobriety accounts for only about $4% of my time. Join me on a journey of $6 pitchers of beer and USB headsets as we travel into the deep culture of Lifeline. It's fun for the whole family!
Lowrider - Tomorrow's kitsch, TODAY! Yes, now you will believe that cars can dance, and that I can review dancing cars.
In the last of our contemporary gaming literature reviews, I flip through D.B. Weiss' Lucky Wander Boy and ponder plugging in my Intellivision to get my game on with some Microsurgeon.
Look at me, being all cool and uploading reviews all by my lonesome. I feel almost like a real video game writer guy! Just like how the creators of Manhunt must've felt like real, mature people when they were putting it together. My review might not have the scads of profanity and gore that Manhunt contains, but I hope you'll like it all the same!
I promised a Superstar Saga review a week ago, but I didn't promise what format it'd be in! Hey, don't yell at me - there's an answer key.
In the second of our look at gaming literature we crack open Masters of Doom. Those wacky id guys make for a compelling read.
I figure every once in awhile it's proper to throw out some saucy writing about a four month old game. Or so seems to be my past precedent with these things. I'm proud to say that Metroid Prime 2 only languished on my hard drive for about four weeks. Well, it's better than six.
When you say ninja to me, my ears immediately perk up. The concept of ninjas battling zombie ninjas is almost too cool to be expressed. Expressed properly at least. Nightshade would seem to agree with me.
Sure the pups are cute, but can they do anything more than sit there and look pretty?
Obscure is a game that busies itself pretending to be from 1995. For most people it'll be no prized peach, but if you spend your lonely Saturday nights with a first pressing of Resident Evil 1 like I do then you're in luck!
Like reading about games, but can't pry that controller from your hands? We have you covered. Welcome to the first in our series of three gaming related books. And no, we aren't reviewing The Wind Waker strategy guide. This week we peer inside Opening the Xbox and see that, like the Xbox's current game library, it fails to live up to it's potential.
Rutilcaper graces us with another review, this time for the 'highly destructable' Otogi. His review is a lot wittier than this excerpt so click on through!
I have been beaten, bruised and berated, but I won't let her tear me away from the wheel.
Rutilcaper once again delivers us a review, this time of a game I had been greatly anticipating - P.N. 03. Unfortunately, with it he has crushed my dreams into finely granulated sugar and spit on it to make a syrupy solution of suck.
All filler and no substance makes for a dispiriting experience.
Wonder where all the funny games went? Well, take a gander over in Going Commando's direction. Boy I wish this review and byline were as funny as the game itself.
The president's daughter has been kidnapped by zombies.
Are you a bad enough dude to save her?
Helping to shake us out of our little content drought this week is Rutilcaper with his insight on a little game named Silent Hill 3. It's the bees knees!
I am a member of a curious religious cult whose doctrines prohibit website updating. By writing this article I'm going to be damed to hell.
You should be grateful!
But not for Silent Hill 4.
Simpsons fans been waiting for a game worthy of the name for years. Does Hit & Run measure up, or is it another Simpsons Wrestling?
Some have said "You put aside Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas so you could finish Sly 2? What kind of crazy man are you?" And I say "I'm a man who likes to get things done." I think it should be pretty obvious that I just don't know when to quit.
Smartbomb is an engaging introduction to the events and personalities of the video game industry, but can it transcend its source material?
"I'll take it from here!" "Here we go!" "This is best left to Tails." SHUT. UP.
Welcome to the first in our 'Slighted Games' series, where we examine, mull and reminisce about our favorite games that ended up either unfairly maligned, overshadowed or just flat-out ignored. The charismatic & exuberant rhythm game Space Channel 5 makes an excellent initial pick, as it appeared to have everything going for it before it faded from U.S. retailer shelves.
It's not so much a review as it is several paragraphs of rambling 'observational criticism'.
There are worse things on this earth than incomplete endings. Like serial killers, or insipid puzzles and poorly articulated characters in an adventure game.
Like adventure games? Like the old Sierra quest games, LucasArt classics like the Monkey Island series and Day of the Tentacle? Well, a few couldn't seem to let sleeping dogs lie and released The Longest Journey, Syberia and Tony Tough and the Night of Roasted Moths. Our guest reviewer attercob wishes some would let sleeping dogs lie.
Glee in painting: Never before has the loss of direct control of your character provided so much sheer fun.
There are more to games than Pong, the images flickering on your tv and your electronic handheld. What better company to study and learn from than the reverent institution of Parker Brothers?
Recently unitdaisy and I rented The Getaway and spent a few drunken hours laughingly slamming our PS2 controller into the ground. The end result are snippets of dialogue extracted from the frustrating experience.
Surely you know by now that unitdaisy and I are big video game remix fans. We recently had the chance see a group of remix rockers known as The Power-Ups Project live. You can't get this much 8-bit goodness without a multicard.
Procrastination-a-go-go, baby! I submitted a draft of this review to peccaui probably somewhere around six weeks ago and through our combined efforts of laziness it's just coming to you now. It's like being in a timewarp! I'm gonna send you all the way back to November 2004, though you might wish I hadn't!
Double Trouble's new features are enough to impress any film fan, at least until they play the game.
YMCK have been garnering quite a name for themselves as a band that not only partakes heavily from the NES sound library, but also as musicians who know how to blend the sounds into engaging and hooky compositions. So how does their debut album Family Music fare against the buzz?
Ever since I first bought my DS, not one day has passed where Zoo Keeper hasn't been popped in for a bout or two. Sadly, much of that time is spent waiting to see the message 'No More Move'. Why? Roll a die and read on to find out.
Impressions
It's not that we didn't finish playing them. We did. We just didn't play them to the end.
Move 'em on, head 'em up. Head 'em up, move 'em out.
Occasionally I play through a large chunk of a game and never finish it, but still have a desire to write about it. The following is written partially in response to what caused me to put the controller down: the cutscenes. They're gorgeous.
