Screw you guys! I will not be left behind because I'm not a big computer dork like everyone else.

So, as I was regaling Mr. Turner earlier today (I still have trouble not calling him peccaui) I spent the greater part of my work break calling game stores to try and track down a copy Resident Evil 4. The guy sounded so dire on the phone that I couldn't help but rush down there, jumping in the car and just GOING with these horrid thoughts of some acne faced teenager just off of school at the 3:00 hour snatching up my game which, acording to the game rating association, he's four years too young to play anyway!

So then I'm there. I roll up in the car with the windows down even though it's cold and it's raining. I'm blasting the new Le Tigre album, specifically their cover of "I'm So Excited". I'm covered in paint. Since I paid last night at the bar, everyone reimbursed me with $1 bills. I have $20 and $35 in ones. I proceed to pay with this money.

Here in the story I comment to Mr. Turner that the guy must've thought I was a gay painter-stripper. 33% of that is right. 66% if you catch me on the right night in the right mood (OH SNAP).

Some 6 hours later I haven't played the game yet because a friend really wants to see it and he can't be pulled away from his FIANCE (what a tool!). We take this friend, his brother, an old friend back from college, and two roommates to a local Tex-Mex restaurant, blah blah blah. All of a sudden I'm driving to Jersey in the pouring rain and doing a Matrix-slide under the closing gate of a beer distributor at 10:57, I just wanted to get some Yuengling! Please!

So there's drinking and there's playing video games. And RE4 eventually comes out. I'm nicely toasted. But I'm wary, the crowd here doesn't seem receptive to it. But the crowd here are pussies. They want to play King's Quest IV where you get to be the pretty blonde princess and fight the evil witch and marry a lovely husband! They can't be bothered to learn a NEW control scheme. Why can't people control like tanks? Maybe tanks control like people!!

Maybe the control scheme is a bit archaic, but in a resident evil game I don't want to turn around until I hit the C stick or down and some other button, goddammit! That's how this world turns! I imagine the lamers will at least not complain about the camera angle which is over the shoulder and 100% functional by whiping out your pistol or using the C-stick. "Wah wah wah. We hate prerended backgrounds".

Impressions so far: good. You can buy shit! Buying stuff in games is like my kryptonite.

The most interesting thing of note: The villagers actually speak legitimate Spanish. Ben, brother of Joel, friend who wanted to see Resident Evil 4, is quite the little fluent Spanish speaker and was translating the villager's impained cries on the fly. "I'm going to cut you into pieces!" they'd exclaim, or "Kill the foreigner!" But he got all soused and rode his bike home at 4 am and then we lost our translator! That's what I get for buying beer.

Second most interesting fact: I'm totally drunk still and I'm "blogging", I guess? This is embarassing. But I'm so adorable!