I hate the Xbox controller and the stupid 1970s monitor colors.

The Xbox 360 has this mysterious thing call "Achievements", tasks that the developer puts in the game that, when accomplished, add points to a nebulous score (viewable on the internet) that doesn't actually do anything.

For example: If I knock 30 zombies aside with the parasol in Dead Rising, 20 points is added to my Xbox Live screen name's score.

Most people know about this already, and have had enough time to get disillusioned with it. After all, this score doesn't actually do anything but give you a fuzzy feeling in your tummy, and ePenis bragging rights.

Know then, dear listener, that I have found the reason for achievements: Xbox Live Arcade.

I'm not using this thing under the influence of alcohol, which is a rare happening indeed, but thankfully I'm being affected by another heady drug: rage.

Why is it that Microsoft can make a wireless controller that synchs with the console through a brick wall and Nintendo can't make their remotes remember to stay synched while the DAMN SYSTEM IS ON? This is the fourth time my Wiimotes have convenientently "forgotten" that they belong to the system, resulting in fifteen minutes or a half an hour of me pressing buttons in random sequence and making frustrated sounds under my breath until I hit upon some eldritch sequence that makes the damn things work again.

I guess I got bit by the Oblivion bug, just like everyone else and have been, on the side, writing my own little diary about my dinosaur: Terrifying Lizard(!!): Super King Awesome and his quest for honor, redemptiom, and dino-prostitutes.

Come along with me as I discover The Elder Scrolls for the first time:

http://obliviondino.blogspot.com

Some long time ago I made a promise to one G. Turner, and the population of The New Gamer as a whole. I would never use this function while I was not under the influence of the sweet alcohol that...

Well it's a good thing there were no roommates in my apartment last night. I'm not talking about my rage at the loss of the Eagles (which was positively vitriolic), but a different embarassment all together. I downloaded the demo...

Since our illutrious webmaster didn't think it was worth his time, I feel that I should step up to the plate and claim my place in the sun. I would be remiss in letting this site go a year without...

How extra-orindarily excessive! It'd seem me and my roommate just HAD to join the members of the web comic "elite" with our new creation: FrontBeat. It's a comic about robots and cops and cops who hunt robots. It's really quite...

I miss people calling me Ruti. :( That time rolls around again and this birthday finds me trapped in the morbid limbo between legal alcohol and reduced car insurance. Fie on you meaningless 23! Anyway, my final project film premiered...

I guess I was gonna start doing the weekly journal here since I moved "Mr. Newstyle VG Remix Guy" to fan-service. But this week Basswolf died. So I'm going to force you to join me in my grief by reading...

Well peccaui hasn't cold cocked me with a sock full of oranges, yet. So I guess it's safe to preceed. Only because I love Ronn so much, do I do this. This week has been... complicated in the terms of...

Blah. It seems that at some point I made another movie. Who would've thought! I worried that the first one might be too big of an inside joke, I'm thinking this one is gonna be even MORE of one. But...

Since Peccaui obviously doesn't care about you people enough to furnish you with a VG Remix in the span of months I have decided to step up to the plate with this little gem: http://www.ocremix.org/detailmix.php?mixid=OCR01312 Stormlord is not a game...

Yes, I like them. You do too. And now they're in space! And shooting down the Bydo empire!

YOU ASS! THAT'S FROM R-TYPE!

Oh, that joke never gets old.