Peccaui: Ever since thenewsite launched, you have been bombared with emails concerning everything from your favorite hair color to what legally constitutes assault in your state. Has this intrusion into your personal life affected you in any way?

Notorious: I think that to be successful on the internet you have to be a slut like me. That being said, way too many of the naked pictures I get are from you.

Peccaui: Inquiring minds want to know, how has this recent success affected your social life? We have all heard about how internet celebrites frequently are mobbed everytime they leave their apartment. Does this stack up against your intial expectations, or not?

Notorious: I think the New Site has had such a profound effect on the internet and on life in general that I have moved beyond the bounds of normally what is considered celebrity life. At this point I am so famous that no one recognizes me, even acknowledges my existence. Why just the other day I was nearly run over. Clearly, this means I am famous.

Peccaui: As we all saw with the fantastic movie Studio 54, popularity and acceptance often precede great self-destructive over-indulegence. Have you been leaning that way, or have the immortal words of Bright Eyes kept you cautious?

Notorious: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over all the hookers fighting in the background.

Peccaui: In a recent 'Behind the Website' VH-1 special, you were attacked by everyone from your own mother to Tiger Beat magazine for intellectual property theft. To add insult to injury, a former collaborator also implied that your series of cafeteria reviews was photocopied from his notes. How do you respond to these charges?

I thought this was disturbing, but he's managed to top himself every time. Just be glad you haven't seen his "blue period".

Notorious: Puff Daddy, we should have listened closer to your constant warnings about haters. He can say whatever he likes, but we both know that the line "Sloppy Joes? More like Poopy Hoes!" was all mine. And we both know that made that review.

Peccaui: Some of your erratic behavior has included stalking the host of Divorce Court, and around $1 million in petty theft. But most disturbing has been your 'collaborations' under durress with everyone from Kurtis Blow to the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. Don't you think putting out a greatest hits record is a little premature?

Notorious: The world is not ready for my music. It's clearly the future, so I'm not even sure I can even call it music. Maybe fusic. But my brilliant fusic aside, I think we need to learn to seperate the art from the artist. And once you do it, please tell the DA to try it as well.

Peccaui: Does music help you when you're composing content for thenewsite?

Notorious: All my articles from now on will be presented in song form only. I am finishing the chorus to "I'd rather eat glass than watch the Matrix".

Peccaui: How aren't you a sellout exactly? I called you on the phone yesterday and I counted at least twelve product placements within our conversation.

Notorious: I think that if Jesus were here today, he would be sponsored by Reebok too. He would also eat at Taco Bell, especially with these new chalupas they've got going! Who could resist Taco Bell? The son of god? I doubt it! Taco Bell: the true last temptation.

Sure he's delusional, but how many other editors do you know that bling? Ride or die, bitch.

Peccaui: According to The Sun, you actually have a 1000 monkeys writing on a 1000 typewriters. Have they provided any insight into the mind of a professional writer?

Notorious: There's a lot more feces throwing, I'll tell you that. These monkeys need to step it up.

Peccaui: The Sun also has a picture of you snorting coke off of one of the said monkey's chests. Was this just a giant hoax, or are you following in the steps of the great eccentrics of the past hundred years?

Notorious: Let he who has not done weird things with an army of apes cast the first stone.

Peccaui: Since starting thenewsite, you've received a multitude of writing positions from numerous TV stations, from the Man Show to Animal Planet. Any chance you'll branch out and start writing for the small screen?

Notorious: Not unless they are really aching for a show about lesbian detectives who have personal watercraft with "the Tongue Trio" monogrammed on the seats. Because that shit is in the can.

Peccaui: Didn't Fox approach you about the rights to that a year ago?

Notorious: I heard they edited it a bit and sold it to the WB as "the Gilmore Girls". I can see it. Put those ladies on a Sea-Doo and it's the same damn show.

Peccaui: I was just handed a note saying your 15 minutes are up, your agent has fired you and your role in Charlie's Angels 2 has been cut. Do you have a response at this time?

Notorious: I am just glad that I will be remembered for my charity work.

Peccaui: Your work with animal shelters putting kittens to sleep?

Notorious: Everybody loves sleeping!