Each week (or so) unitdaisy and peccaui take a sarcastic glance at the gaming world within the span of three questions. Why? That's just the way we work.

This week The Tick filled in for an absent unitdaisy but will return soon.

A little birdy told 1UP that Microsoft's WebTV group is heading development on Xbox 2. Thoughts?

peccaui: I'm not so sure how legit this rumor is, but since the WebTV group was initially pitching to develop the Xbox (with no real initial plans for a hard drive and more media-based functions rather than strictly gaming) this is starting to sound scarily plausible.
The Tick: Well, the mystery can't last too long, if the plans to reveal Xbox "Next" at the March GDC happen.
peccaui: Potentially they'll just spout off a few hardware design decisions, call it a day and get drunk off of over-priced martinis like previous conferences. Software companies have been saying that they'll be featuring Xbox 2 software, but not actually as Xbox 2 software - if you get my drift.
The Tick: However it pans out, if the WebTV team is now responsible for the destiny of the Xbox, I wish them luck. can you call WebTV a failure? I can say it was NOT a success at least.
peccaui: I see a lot of them in trash cans and at garage sales! However, it's still quite possible that WebTV actually has made more profit than the Xbox so far!
The Tick: Well, as long as WebTV made a buck it can be considered to have accomplished that. Maybe Bill wants to "fully integrate the media center strategy" as part of the Microsoft global domination plan. Or maybe he just is tired of walking to two different development stations.
peccaui: That seems to be what 1UP is saying, and works in with the WebTV group's pitches for what would become the Xbox. However, I really don't see how this isn't one step forward, two steps back for Microsoft - it would definitely explain the fact that Seamus Blackley, Kevin Bacchus and Ed Fries are no longer with Microsoft though.
peccaui: If we really wanted to freak out, I suppose we could look at the line "the new Xbox "won't be competing with PS3."'
The Tick: That could be true... unless they're waiting for the PS4 to launch. I don't mean that the PS3 will crush XBox 2 though, it will be a definite locking of horns.
peccaui: And too much of the Xbox hardware speculation seems to contain '...if the PS3 will have it' tagged onto the end. Aspects like additional memory, or a frickin' hard drive. I wasn't aware a company could be this wishy-washy and still try to appear strong.
The Tick: If Microsoft keeps adding to the specs, the Xbox 2 will be an amazing machine, but when are they planning on making money? I'm not a business major, but I'm sure profit has to be a key ingredient.
peccaui: Personally, I think that's why WebTV is getting called in - if they'll keep adding to it, it'll probably become subscription based after purchase, obligatory Xbox Live fees or something. Or it'll be thin, hardware wise. I personally think that Microsoft is looking more at the bottom line than fanboys want to believe.
peccaui: Either way, you're right - we won't know soon. But I think there's a better chance of WebTV overseeing production than not. Hopefully we'll find out next month! And by we, I mean you.
The Tick: I promise to swoon when they announce the specs.
peccaui: You'd better. We're gonna be charging for a live feed from the floor, and I already promised the audience nudity.

Sega has a new president making officially making Sammy the worst houseguest ever. What do you think the implications will be?

The Tick: I can't wait! Sonic Pachinko!!!
peccaui: And don't forget Sonic Heroes Pachinko, where your ball is surrounded by two balls that do everything but assist your score!
The Tick: I'm a little worried. Any plans that point Sega away from home consoles is a bad one.
peccaui: I think the glory days of Sega are over.
The Tick: And to further complicate things, they are going to look more towards a piece of tech that is LESS powerful than NAOMI, which is Sega's current arcade technology.
peccaui: Well, given some of the recent Sega developed software I'm not so sure that'd be a bad thing.
The Tick: But creating games that can profit off of nickle and dime operations. This Atomiswave looks like Sammy's version of a NEO*GEO machine. Cartridges, cheesy games, and they will even have the equivalent of SNK addicts that carry over with Sega.
peccaui: But the NEO*GEO arcade machines performed extremely well! It's just the home consoles that didn't ...
The Tick: True, in Japan. The first game to really hit big in the states was Metal Slug. By hitting "big" i mean that more than the seven people that played every King of Fighter 20xx as it came out.
peccaui: Nonetheless, I think Sammy wants to domesticate Sega. No more Samba games. Everyone that worked on some of the most original Dreamcast games have left for greener pastures ...
The Tick: I'm just concerned that the future of Sega will be arcades, and with the shrinking popularity of arcades in the states it will be harder and harder to get my much needed Sega fix.
The Tick: I wonder what the 'garage' value of a a Sega Master system is...
peccaui: More than a NES, that's for sure
The Tick: One interesting tidbit about the Atomiswave though, is the ability for online extras.
peccaui: Yeah, but most of those extras are getting left out of U.S. versions (either in the port, or on the operator's side).
peccaui: Even though Sega may want to embrace them, I can't see arcade owners getting excited about having to accommodate those cabinets.
The Tick: Well, the complete failure of Atari's WaveNet (a setup that linked Rush 2049 cabinets over an Atari network throughout CA) will not help either.
peccaui: I think Americans just want to pick fights with whomever they're competing against. You just can't have drunken arcade brawls online. It's not the same.
The Tick: They just need a new peripheral. Big ass fist by each machine, remotely operated along with the game.
The Tick: It could happen. Look at the spanking video game.
peccaui: Ah, that's just a novelty. Although I can imagine it would be great to literally ream people at Counter-Strike.
The Tick: Wow, you've just successfully removed any future needs to play that game.
peccaui: And the need to play any future Sega game. Fuck you Sammy.
The Tick: Dear Sammy,
Thank you for ruining Sega, you pricks.
Very Sincerely Your Friend,
The Tick
peccaui: P.S. My Seaman is so going to bitch you out when he hears about this.

Nokia finally admits that the N-Gage is 'not meeting expectations.' Is there any way that they can pull themselves out of this hole?

The Tick: Is reversing time an option?
peccaui: Giving up would work too. I can't see how they could have flubbed this launch any more than they have.
The Tick: Hmmmm. Functionality: crap. Library: crap. Technology: crap. Design: holy shit crap.
The Tick: But for all those people who wanted four face buttons on the GBA, you've got TWELVE on the NGage!
peccaui: They asked for it! Now they must cry!
peccaui: I suppose the N-Gage might fare better if they had more software than just hacked together ports. This is the worst library in the history of portable devices, with the possible exception of Tiger's Game.com.
The Tick: They even had a good location at E3. Right next to the food. You gotta eat, and if you leave E3 to eat, well, then you shouldn't have been at E3 in the first place.
peccaui: So, the N-Gage was just like the E3 food? Unpleasent to deal with and overpriced?
The Tick: And a joke. And they didn't give away free blinking devices.
peccaui: Unless Nokia has an exclusive ace up it's sleeve, it really should either give up immediately or start working on a N-Gage 2.
The Tick: Well, I'd like to see that actually, because portable gaming with networking has potential. But this time, make a phone/portable that actually can perform as both.
The Tick: Which oddly, the N-Gage can't pull off either.
peccaui: Yeah, the bluetooth had potential. Too bad there's no one to play against, and that all the online matches are ghost races.
peccaui: This is my wet dream: "You got bluetooth in my GBA! No, you got GBA in my bluetooth!"
The Tick: Now, will Nokia cry uncle and kill N-Gage before E3, or will they attempt to make one last effort before the November "we admit we suck" deadline.
peccaui: I think we could place the N-Gage's time of death when SideTalking! went live.
peccaui: Personally, I hope they actually have something to keep it going. I may hate it, I may never buy it, but it's scary that every single company that goes up against Nintendo in the portable arena gets FLATTENED.
The Tick: Well, I'd say that Nokia flattened themselves. Nintendo just walked over and pissed on the corpse.
peccaui: I don't even think Nintendo considered them! Hell, the GBA has been business as usual since it was in developing stages! I think there were a few rumors about a cellphone GBA but I believe those were third party solutions.
The Tick: I think I heard a few rumors about a gaming N-Gage.
peccaui: A N-Gage where it's possible to spend less than ten seconds changing games??
The Tick: That's not a bug, its a feature.
The Tick: Think of it as a hardware mini-game.
peccaui: Someday, non-Nintendo portable systems will be developed by people that actually play games.
The Tick: Even that isn't enough. R.I.P. NEO*GEO Pocket.
peccaui: But I still love my NEO*GEO Pocket Color! It can't be dead!
peccaui: I don't think this Multitap can hold much more bitterness. Just end it Nokia - save us all the wasted bandwidth.