Critically dull combat, or critically acclaimed and amazing battle engine?

Help me! I wrote out my Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga review but the file got corrupted and it split up each section of the review into several separate parts! Unfortunately, I have a long night of staring at paint drying and don't have time to sort the review out for you, so you'll have to piece it together! If you need help, you'll find a hastily scribbled answer key at the bottom of the page. Good luck!

Part 1) Pick an opening sentence:

a) On a platform where the majority of games are ports and rehashes of popular genres from five years ago, it's a breath of fresh air to see someone stepping in to try and build something new out of the familiar.

b) Once again, Nintendo relies on the charm of a proven franchise to spit out a bland, worthless re-entry into a genre they have no reason developing for.

c) With a gimmick that simultaneously dumbs down control and needlessly complicates it, what ends up on your GBA will both disappoint and frustrate Mario and RPG fans alike.

d) All of the above.

Part 2) Choose second paragraph remarks:

a) Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga (SS) follows in the footsteps of Mario RPG and Paper Mario, adding platform conventions to a typical Japanese RPG game that epitomizes, evolves and plays off of the heyday of the genre.

b) SS serves up a bit of the ol' hand-eye coordination, requiring some of your favorite koopa squashing reflexes in an odd, but sensible turn-based combat system while adding in some of the standard multiple attack and defend techniques that we all know and love.

c) Carried by it's whimsical characters and some of the best in-game dialogue, Superstar Saga brings a sophisticated sense of humor to a platform not noted for it's adult audience.

d) All of the above.

Part 3) Third paragraph options follow below:

a) Unfortunately, SS also contains my three least favorite gameplay devices ever: swimming levels, escort missions (mainly one ungangly and mind-numbingly thought-out mission concerning the princess) and out-of-place timed missions (I didn't want to buy Marble Madness here folks).

b) Sadly the 'one button, one character' control scheme never feels quite as intuitive as you would expect from a finely honed Nintendo game, even with multiple attack techniques. When you couple that awkward button mashing with a forced 2D perspective that feels off-kilter, the results are less than 'star-worthy'.

c) I periodically fell asleep during some battles - they were that dry and monotonous. Jump, hammer, hand - it's all the same to me. A B A B Z Z Zzzz.

d) All of the above.

Mini-games as big as both Mario & Luigi's heads!

Part 4) Choose memorable moments:

a) The dialogue is the shining gem in this game - from "My pores are partying!" to "Look at that craftsmanship! POW! Now you're playing with power!", it evokes laughter and nostalgia for the old 8-bit days (if you're an old-school gamer that is). However, the final intentional Engrish dialogue between Fawful and the Mario Bros. is the height of the writing, with Wigu-esque lines such as "Now is the time where my true might shines, like many angry sunbeams of rage!" and "Your lives that I spit on are now but a caricature of a cartoon drawn by a kid who is stupid!" Now that is what makes an instant classic.

b) Repeatedly having enemies not understand the concept of 'one turn' and inflicting anywhere from three to five strikes on me at once stands out in my mind like a grade school bully. One of the most grievous examples were when my mustache was flattened in the final battle, going from full health to zero within of the bosses turn (which seemed to consist of 16 hits). Cheep cheep cheep.

c) I learned new insults for Luigi, saw him poke other characters absent-mindedly and lastly watched him become a sniveling whelp! Seeing Luigi portrayed in this manner sure made me feel better about my life.

d) Trying to locate specific caves with the use of the map. If there's been a map more useless in a Mario game, I haven't met it.

Part 5) Pick closing thoughts:

a) With it's innovative one-button combat simplicity, Superstar Saga innovates while remaining accessible and creates a control scheme that is the best of both worlds. The end result is a game that's as much fun to control as it is to watch.

b) Superstar Saga's charming dialogue and self-aware nature go far to make the 20-25 hour experience as enjoyable as possible, however the severely dull nature of the combat and frustrating battle mechanics can be grating to anyone not playing this game in half-an-hour to one hour chunks.

c) With a story that is only fleetingly intriguing, combat as dull as dirt and tedious fetch quests, Superstar Saga is one outright blemish on the face of the Mario franchise.

d) While Superstar Saga tries it's best, most of the innovations end up feeling tacked on and unrefined, every action quickly becomes monotonous and what is worthwhile will barely register during your playing time. I came away from the game with a bitter feeling in my mouth, like someone soaked the world's largest cotton overnight in lemon juice and shoved it into my mouth. Unless that sounds like a good night in Vegas to you, I'd suggest you avoid this game.

Answer key! (No peeking)
1) a
2) c
3) d
4) a
5) b